My Main Rule

TREAT PEOPLE HOW I WANT TO BE TREATED. 

i will be your nicest friend you have ever had, or I

'll be your nightmare...but its terribly simple. see everyone makes mistakes. thats great. i do too. but when you abuse my love, time, care, or patience. then I guess you want to fall

i will make you invisible.

WE DONT DO FLAKES OR LIARS. SO GET AWAY.

more hurt than angry.

I swear people do not have any common sense. or think at all. or if they do then they are straight up assholes. 

i dont relli want to address the incident. but sus people.

and and and and

PEOPLE TELL YOU LIES TO KEEP YOU QUIET. PEOPLE GET FED A BITE OF FOOD JUST TO STAY ALIVE. BUT ARE THEY REALLY LIVING? ARE THEY REALLY FRIENDS?

at this point. its all about june 6.. thats all

more

best friend

today is the day my macbook basically crashed...

today is the day my macbook was potentially fixed...

today is the day I left my phone at home...

today is the day my film developed well...

as I'm planning my birthday I am also thinking of the guest list. And the usual is a done deal but then there are those few people that are boderline. But what it really made me think about was my CLOSE FRIENDS, those BEST FRIENDS. which took me back to SPAIN 08.

I miss it. i miss it. but what I really miss is one of my best friends. Yesterday someoen just asked me about her and if we were still friends. and the answer is yes, of course. But I realized what is friendship? I realized that for the past few months we haven't truly spent much time together which makes me sad. Isn't it interesting how you can be inseporable and then become completely apart. 

Idk but my life seems to be slipping away...into in unfamiliar and unwanted space...

I just want to smile..

Fool Of Me - Me'shell Ndegeoncello

I wrote this long blog about how i felt about the subject and then i realized it didnt matter, because no one seems to care. no one did care. and then i listened to this song and i keep thinking maybe im just all wrong. am I wrong for believing that you did care about me. and everyone else only knows your side because I cant speak about it.

but thats all I can really say. puffy red eyes

For Ellie

You made me remember this song, Closer by Goapele. This song got me through the roughest patch of my life a few years ago.

Life is anything but fair. its anything but understanding. but things will get better. 

We dont get to choose our circumstances, yet we are effected by them. It doesnt change who we are as people or what we will amount to.

Im all out of advice for life in general. but KEEP LIVING, youll figure it out. time changes alot of things. 

...and on the subject of feeling alone, your not. but I know it feels like it....

xo

If this Was Perfect

i am human. what the hell are you?

"your life is like a television show"

now that statement is coming from a person who I tell everything to. But YOU, you reading this right now--what all do you really know about me?

gender

age

school

ethnicity

height

hair color/length 

is that what comes to mind?

seee the real reason I dont put pictures of myself on this blog is for the fact that, images can change views and ideas. on this blog I am just a mixture of feelings and expressions. i am not my age or ethnicity. I AM JUST A HUMAN BEIGN. the sooner people begin to realize we are ALL human beings, the quicker the world will begin to change.

I have been stressing over this Diversity Conference. But honestly. I have to say, I wouldnt have it any other way. The mission is much more than awareness of certain issues. It goes deeper than that. 

sometimes I feel like I am an alien to mankind. when I see images from the rape of Nanking. or girls whispering deadly rumors of innocent people. or maybe when my own friends hurt me. how can people be so unkind to each other? --forget about rules of friendship, forget the fact that i love you and you love me, forget the fact Im your daughter or your my pet but rather isnt there a certain amount of respect EVERY person deserves. 

so fine. if you want to be a flying gorilla or a quackking duck. a snake. go ahead. 

Sunset Blvd

is where I spend most of my days. they arent that sunny right now though.

silver bracelet heart

valentines day is in 4 days. in case your forgot.

11:23 pm. 

what a day.

there are good days and bad days. today was good.

Betty and Lori.

So your probably wondering who Betty and Lori are.

Well as you noticed I changed the name of the blog. I started thinking when Megan said she needed a "meaningful" name for her blog. I thought, if this blog is supposed to be apart of my expression of life it should be meaningful beginning with a good title. 

The whole blog revolves around this ideas of trapped lives and false people and feelings. Because there is often no space or no one to fully share true feelings with, this blog has become that place.

Betty and Lori. Were my favorite dolls growing up, they were twins. It was something me and my grandmother shared together. She lived up north and would bring them with her whenever she visited LA. So I didnt always have Betty and Lori. But when I had them, it was circled around hte best times of my life. I can remember having parties just for Betty and Lori. They had clothes, they had friends; Ashley and Barney.  LAter in my life I learned that Betty and Lori ACTUALLY had a trapped life. They represented my grandmothers two favorite cousins. 

I miss those dolls muchh, after my grandmother passed they seemed to disappear all together. i miss her too.

"Cheyenne your wearing Gossip Girl boots, not rain boots"

as if I hadn't already decided to not give a damn. 

such a rough week. such a rough last couple of weeks. 

can i crumble now?

things happened that were impossible to wrap my head around. things in my life, things in others life, just life.

but how long can a person cry?

---until you realize it wont do anything. things just remain the same.

As time goes by, everything people have told me 

becomes a lie. Trust is empty and life is misleading. Callous to your own heart? 

everything seems to be an impossibility. a waste of exhaust.

I cant fully examine everything Im feeling but i can say one thing, betrayal.