Sunset Blvd

is where I spend most of my days. they arent that sunny right now though.

silver bracelet heart

valentines day is in 4 days. in case your forgot.

11:23 pm. 

what a day.

there are good days and bad days. today was good.

Betty and Lori.

So your probably wondering who Betty and Lori are.

Well as you noticed I changed the name of the blog. I started thinking when Megan said she needed a "meaningful" name for her blog. I thought, if this blog is supposed to be apart of my expression of life it should be meaningful beginning with a good title. 

The whole blog revolves around this ideas of trapped lives and false people and feelings. Because there is often no space or no one to fully share true feelings with, this blog has become that place.

Betty and Lori. Were my favorite dolls growing up, they were twins. It was something me and my grandmother shared together. She lived up north and would bring them with her whenever she visited LA. So I didnt always have Betty and Lori. But when I had them, it was circled around hte best times of my life. I can remember having parties just for Betty and Lori. They had clothes, they had friends; Ashley and Barney.  LAter in my life I learned that Betty and Lori ACTUALLY had a trapped life. They represented my grandmothers two favorite cousins. 

I miss those dolls muchh, after my grandmother passed they seemed to disappear all together. i miss her too.

"Cheyenne your wearing Gossip Girl boots, not rain boots"

as if I hadn't already decided to not give a damn. 

such a rough week. such a rough last couple of weeks. 

can i crumble now?

things happened that were impossible to wrap my head around. things in my life, things in others life, just life.

but how long can a person cry?

---until you realize it wont do anything. things just remain the same.

As time goes by, everything people have told me 

becomes a lie. Trust is empty and life is misleading. Callous to your own heart? 

everything seems to be an impossibility. a waste of exhaust.

I cant fully examine everything Im feeling but i can say one thing, betrayal. 

cannot remember

it hurts more than i can comprehend right now.

thats all i can say

the point

HOLD THE PHONE

the point of this was to post blogs/photos that I couldnt post elsewhere. not to be criticized  for it. so if your going to judge it then excuse yourself from this blog. 

=]]

i will be a windmill

as I was driving back to la from palm desert today I became fascinated by the many windmills. It really was a fascination because i took like 75 pictures of them. In a recent blog I added a set of pictures of windmills that ide taken last year, and for me the changes in each photo represented growth over time. However I never really knew the exact purpose of windmills and the significance in regard to my life. 

butttt the purpose of a windmill is to generate energy from the wind to turn into other energy to use for other things. depending on the speed/pressure of the wind it will determine the amount of energy produced. the connection hit immediately when I realized no matter what the weather is, the windmills still take the energy and transfer it into different energy. ----we are dealt with different situations everyday and my goal this year is to gain the strength of the windmills and no matter what comes my way-turn it into positive energy/learning experience. People will do what they want to do but taking control of the situation is changing your response to it. this year i hope to : not let others control my happiness, find the good in situations, learn to let people go when they are mistreating me, forgiveness, not being in denial of mentally abusive relationships, continue to understand the difference in friends and associates, and to really value all the goodness  . 

"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination"--Jimmy Dean